Help

Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

Not a temple

A boy said to a girl:-"Come in my heart and stay here forever".
Girl replied:-"Should i remove my sleepers???"
boy,"No honey, its not a temple , come without removing!!!!!"

Faithful

A men goes to sell his dog..
Buyer asked him,"Is your dog Faithful"???
He replied, "Yes ,very much,I sold him three times ,but it returns to me back"!!!!

neighbor

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

Exams

A hot girl come into professor's cabin..
girl: I'll anything to pass the Exams.
Professor: Anything??
Girl: Yes..
Professor: Anything??
Girl: yeah!!!
Professor: Then study Hard , dear!!!

dirty joke

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.

good news and some bad news

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

I'm a horse

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

Never put 'is'

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Is it mine

What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
Is it mine?

How do you make a blonde laugh

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.

When I stand on my head

A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?
B: It's because your feet aren't empty.

If your neck leaks

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

If we didn't have a schedule?

Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

park in the handicapped spots

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicapped spots.

Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde

What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot.

The person who wins

A: Why are all those people running?
B: They are running a race to get a cup.
A: Who will get the cup?
B: The person who wins.
A: Then why are all the others running?

that was yesterday

A: Look at your face I know what you had for breakfast
B: What was it?
A: Eggs.
B: No, that was yesterday.

To write the other 5

A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

Homework

PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not."
PUPIL: "Good, because I haven’t done my homework."

Wrong number

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

Elephant is dead

A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.

Look a talking muffin - Joke

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"

when your wife's staggering - Joke

Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?
A: Shoot her again.

Why did the fish get kicked out of school? - Joke

Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.

Left nut say to the right nut - Joke

What did the left nut say to the right nut?
The guy in the middle thinks he is so hard!

Good bad and very bad. - Joke

Good: Your wife doesn't talk to you.
Bad: She wants divorce.
Very bad: She is a lawyer.

What Bill Gates' wife says him when they make love? - Joke

What Bill Gates' wife says him when they make love?
Bill, you are so MICRO, you are so SOFT.

Why dwarfs laugh while they play the soccer? - Joke

Why dwarfs laugh while they play the soccer?
Because the grass tickles their balls!

honors student. - Joke

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

Why didn't the sailors play cards? - Joke

Why didn't the sailors play cards?
Because the captain was sitting on the deck.

All is a shitting - Joke

All is a shitting, except the pissing, but the pissing becomes a shitting if you piss against the wind.